What in the actual fuck. This is perhaps the worst way I could’ve woken up this morning, not just for the news. So last night, I was flipping through channels on my TV and found a Star Wars marathon on TNT. It was the end of the Phantom Menace when I got there so naturally I had to watch for that kickass Darth Maul fight (because that’s really the movie’s only saving grace). Attack of the Clones was up next so naturally I figured I’d need some liquor to enjoy it. I decided to do a fun little drinking game where I take a shot of the Kraken rum (94 proof) every time a lightsaber was ignited. I’m paying for it right now. Then I open my blinds and see some snow on the ground. Child me would be absolutely beaming right now but adult me is pissed off because I hate snow. Luckily I have nowhere to be so the roads aren’t a real concern. Then I get a cryptic text from a friend saying “this sucks so much” and somehow I knew what had happened. So I wake up hungover, there’s snow on the ground, and Giancarlo Stanton was traded to the Yankees for basically a washing machine.
So I did a Stanton trade speculation blog a little while ago, which you can read here, and in that blog I did outline the Yankees as potential suitors. But Jesus I didn’t think it would actually happen! I was so convinced it would be the Dodgers because it just seemed too obvious. They had so many prospects to offer. The Yankees have some good ones too, but reports are they’re not even included in the deal! That’s right, it appears that neither Gleyber Torres, Justus Sheffield, or Estevan Florial are involved in this deal. Hey Miami, why the fuck would you accept a trade package for the reigning NL MVP that didn’t include the best prospects the other team has to offer?! It’s unknown what the exact package Miami is receiving in this deal, but reports are that Yankees second baseman Starlin Castro is among those headed to Miami. Okay, fine, he’s a good player and is coming off a good stint in pinstripes. But wasn’t the goal to cut your payroll? Castro is set to make $22.8 million over the remaining 2 years on his contract, averaging out to about $11 million a year. This essentially halves what would have come off the books had the Stanton trade just been for prospects. But the Yankees aren’t even taking on the whole salary either! Sure, they’re taking on the vast majority of it, but over the life of the deal the Marlins will be taking on around $30 million of it (about $3 million a year). Why in the Hell would you trade the guy voted as the best player in the league and still pay him $3 million a year to play for another team? While for an MLB team that’s not much in the grand scheme of things, it’s still baffling how little the Marlins are really receiving for this guy. It’s not like he’s a locker room cancer that they had to get out of there, though to be fair I don’t really know anything about Stanton’s personality but he doesn’t strike me as a toxic dude. The only explanation I can think of is because it’s Derek Jeter in the owner’s box. That’s just the salty Red Sox fan in me speaking, but you can’t deny it looks fishy (see what I did there? Marlins? Fishy? God I don’t know how I’m still single).
I’ve done all this bitching and haven’t even mentioned the fact that it’s going to be Aaron Judge and Giancarlo Stanton hitting back-to-back with Gary Sanchez lurking behind them. Just look at this potential fucking lineup.
1. Brett Gardner-LF
2. Aaron Judge-RF
3. Giancarlo Stanton-DH
4. Gary Sanchez-C
5. Didi Gregorius-SS
6. Greg Bird-1B
7. Chase Headley-3B
8. Jacoby Ellsbury/Aaron Hicks-CF
9. Ronald Torreyes-2B
How the Hell do you pitch to that?! The Yankees scored the second most runs in the Majors last season and they just added the guy who hit the most home runs! The Yankees now have the AL home run king in Judge and the NL home run king in Stanton hitting back-to-back with the best power hitting catcher in Gary Sanchez right behind them. Now yes, both guys do strike out a lot and the Red Sox have the best strikeout artist in the majors in Chris Sale. But that is an imposing duo to have to pitch to. Judge is about 6’7 and 280 pounds while Stanton is 6’6 and 245, both all muscle. Add in the fact that Yankee Stadium has one of the shortest fences in baseball and we may be seeing some records get shattered. The foul poles in both left and right field are 314 feet from home, which Stanton could reach if he were holding the bat with his feet. That’s about 30 feet shorter than the poles at Marlins Park. I know it doesn’t sound like much, but that’s the difference between a flyout and a run on the board. Stanton hit 59 home runs this season while doing much of his damage in a relatively pitcher-friendly park. Now he gets to do it with the walls 30 feet closer? If he doesn’t achieve his goal of passing Roger Maris (who he has stated is the real single season home run king, not Bonds, McGwire, or Sosa), I will be shocked.
Fuck I’m so mad. I’m so mad I dropped more f-bombs in this blog than I had in all my other blogs combined (I try and keep it relatively SFW here). I’m so mad, I’m not even going to bother asking you to leave a comment or hit me up on Facebook or Twitter @jimwyman10 or even contribute to my damn Patreon. I’m just so steaming right now. This is not going to be a fun season for anybody outside of the Bronx. Sure it will be fun seeing how far these guys can hit it, but they’ll be doing it in the wrong uniforms. FUCK!